Not So Bad

That's the thing with me - one second I'm embarrassed almost to the point of shame about expressing myself so publicly , the next I'm rereading the very same articles with a sense of pride of sorts. They're not so bad, they're real, that's for sure and there's nothing I hold against being real, you know? I'm still not sure what the point of all these are, the point of writing in this blog....I believe it started off as a political ambition and somehow became a personal expression. Maybe I secretly wanted to get googled, for seeing something in print isn't as scary as saying it all out loud, I guess. Let's me get it out there without having to really face any possible rejection. That's kind of sissy but I can't always be as tough as I come across.
I remain a constant contradiction of myself but it seems to me that's the way with most things . Dynamic. Layers and layers and layers of things like an onion or a galaxy. Maybe it's just sections like a grapefruit or just an organized, chaotic mess of seeds like a pomegranate. At least one thing remains the same, everyday I wake up and I'm thankful for the confidence I maintain in myself and happy that I am still the coolest woman I know. Positive that I'll continue to learn from my mistakes, and as the time has gone on I no longer need to make them more than once. I cease to compromise myself, and I know with an absolute assurance that I can't find from anywhere other than inside myself that I'm going to be okay no matter what. Wherever I go I'll know what to do when I get there. That's a good feeling to have and even in my darkest of moods it never really leaves me.
I think I'll go write a novel. Perhaps first I'll go to the library and read a book on human development.