It's Really 12/2 1230a.m.

Let's play Follow the Leader, Follow the Rules, Simon says. Let's erase what I can while I still have the chance. Let's stick something through just to prove it - get lost in a world in your head keep yourself structured with play, work, creating, don't think about it. How long does it take to break a habit? 14 days or something right? Don't think about it. Play basketball, play bass; make a set of wind chimes with hemp string and pretty beads and popsicle sticks and those plastic domes with the lids that your quarter machine toys come in. Take apart that big metal thing in the garage and sell all the copper. Just.Don't.Think. Don't look, don't wonder, don't think. You are a machine, go through the motions,work, play, create, sleep. Forget what makes you feel alive. Forget company,sex, friendships, relationships,lonliness,jealousy,pain, don't think about then or when or if, just do. Just now. Think now if you want to about "that's why you do-----, to make these-----, to meet -----" , about silent resolutions, about the things you hate inside of yourself,about what's going to happen next,why didn't I- , maybe I should, maybe you shouldn't and what about me? How does this happen, who made these rules and why did I yell to be in charge either way you look at it you lose, Simon and Garfunkel, nina simone, so easy to say but just forget it, you're going to prove one thing why not another? One's about quitting who wants to prove to be a quitter? More follow the leader I never did like that game just give in. Think about it now if you want to because tommorow you have to give in. You have to just get lost in it, pay attention to that and that's it ,no wishing no pipe dreams no more vices except work,learn,play, create-- really what else is left to try. A soul anorexic with frustration, purging on the time, dizzy with starved communication and ego. Not then or when or if or imagine but only now. Now. Work, learn,play,create.Alone. Don't think.Follow the leader.